There’s nothing normal about my family. From my parents to my siblings, right down to me and my kids, there’s a deep river of weird running through us all. And when people feel obligated to bring my eccentricities to my attention all I can say is, “It runs in the family.”
I mentioned some of the slightly odd things my family and I have done over the years in In an Irish Family – Games and Teasing. The old Time Bomb game we played differently than the box suggested and “nudie magazine day” at the checkout counter of the grocery store. But those things are just part of what make my family so unique.
Since some people have expressed curiosity about just how deep the well of weird goes I thought I’d share a couple of new stories. I wrote about how I was totally embarrassed by my son chanting “nudie magazine day” in a local grocery store but that’s just a small part of that incident.
It started when my youngest son and his best friend decided to act as though they were mentally challenged in the middle of the store. Mr. Comfortable and our oldest boy suddenly turned into magicians and disappeared from the aisle. That left me with the two
horrible amusing teenagers who got louder and louder as they carried on their charade.
It wasn’t long before I was getting sympathetic looks from other shoppers. Their thoughts were so clear. “Just look at that poor woman with two disabled boys!” But, as the volume of the two increased the looks started to change from pity to annoyance. It only fueled the actors.
Finally in frustration I told them to find their father. That was a mistake. “Dad!” they shouted. “Daaaaad!” “Shut up!” I hissed which only garnered angry looks from the shoppers who were beginning to look like villagers surrounding Frankenstein’s castle.
I decided a quick exit would benefit everyone so I rushed my cart to the checkout line. “May I have gum, please?” asked my youngest. I thought this was something that might distract them so I told him he could. Then I turned to see that he’d lifted the entire rack of chewing gum and put it on top of our cart. It runs in the family, remember?
As I ordered him, through clenched teeth, to return the rack the other suddenly asked if he could have a nudie magazine. Before I could even respond they started chanting “Nudie magazine day! Nudie magazine day!” They were not quiet about it. I admit I didn’t think my response through as I said sternly, “It is not nudie magazine day!” The chanting stopped and my son looked at me quizzically and gave the response that caused me to avoid that store to this day. “Tomorrow?” he asked.
That same son and that same friend were involved in another incident which, even I admit, was funny. We have opossums in the yard every night. They’re not bothering any of us but Pete’s dog felt it was his duty to move them on to the next life. We were always careful to check the yard before letting him outside but one night we opened the door without realizing there was a ‘possum only a few yards from the porch. Tai made a high speed beeline for it but Pete called him back. The ‘possum, of course, fell over playing ‘possum. And this is where I went terribly wrong.
I thought Tai had gotten to the little animal so I sent Pete out to check on it. He tried to tell me Tai hadn’t even come close but I insisted. And when Pete got too close the terrified ‘possum hissed at him. I lost my mind. I suddenly turned into someone born and raised in a high rise building in NYC. I behaved as if I’d never even seen an opossum before. And I made the boys beat this poor little creature to death with a shovel.
Then, as guilty people usually do, I panicked. We had to get rid of the body! There would be an investigation! And I knew just the place to dump it. After all, other bodies, two of them human, had been dumped there in the past! I made the boys stuff the now battered ‘possum into garbage bag and handed them the keys to the car. “Don’t let anyone see you!” And with their marching orders clear they drove off into the night.
About 15 minutes later I heard them enter through the side door and go into Pete’s bedroom. I just had to know how it went. Had they been seen? Had they been followed? Did anyone suspect we’d murdered ‘possum?
Now I have to urge you to watch this video so you’ll understand the rest of the story.
I crept into Pete’s room and whispered, “Did you get rid of the body?” “What body?” Pete inquired. Then he slipped his grandfather’s watch from his wrist and said, “This is ‘possum’s watch. And I want you to have it.”
Yep. It definitely runs in the family!